Empowering Women’s Sexual Communication

This is Women’s History Month, but I like to see it as Women’s Sexual Empowerment Month.

When I see the women around me now I see a group of strong, vibrant, connected women.  But I also see women who struggle with communicating their preferences and desires.  I see women making themselves smaller and less important than they are.

So what can we do to sensually empower ourselves this month to turn that struggle around? We can start communicating more honestly about sex and our sensual experiences.

Talking about what feels good, what doesn’t, and what you’re curious to explore more of are all perfect ways to simply and gently align with the incredible gift of pleasure, self-love, and awareness that you’ve been given.

There’s something magical that happens when you talk about your sexual experience.

If you’re talking about something that you really enjoyed, your body gets to relive that pleasure for a moment.  And if you’re talking about something that you didn’t enjoy as much you create a kind of authentic honesty that opens the door to even more pleasure next time you have sex.  

Either way, you create an irreplaceable intimacy that feeds passionate desire. Because being truly seen an heard is super sexy!

Above and beyond even those awesome benefits, all of this clarity through communication activates a superpower in your body that keeps you sustainably connected to sensation (and pleasure).

So, here are three sexual communication activations for you to explore…

1. OWN YOUR ORGASM:  If I had a mantra specifically for my teaching style, this is it.  As women, we put our pleasure onto other people constantly, or we put it aside for the sake of someone else’s.  Either way, in our culture women are masters at disowning their pleasure.  

But if you consider your pleasure your responsibility, and a sacred and divine gift that you’ve been given to help you navigate AND ENJOY this human experience, you can begin to see how simply shifting your focus to you instead of them is in itself a super-empowering move.

To do this when you’re having sex, simply focus on the inside of your body.  Create a kind of internal communication with your orgasm. Be curious. Follow it’s lead, instead of trying to direct it to a climax.  Focus on the moment and enjoy the journey of what it communicates to you each and every time you experience it. And each time you have sex, focus a little less on your partner and more on this internal communication and guidance system.  

At first, it might feel confusing:  I’m focusing on myself, now I’m focusing on my partner, now I’m focusing on myself, etc.  But that’s perfect.  That kind of oscillation is exactly what you want.  When you get comfy with the back and forth of your focus, it’s going to feel good.  You’re going to get the rhythm of sexual communication with your own body, and that dynamic will open you up to another level of pleasure you were previously missing out on.

2. THE SEX RECAP.   The sex recap is an awesome way to deepen intimacy after sex, or anytime.

During the recap, discuss with your partner what you enjoyed about the experience you just had (or a previous sex experience).  Be detailed when you talk about this. “I loved when you went down on me and used your tongue like that,” and describe exactly what that felt like.  Or, “I loved when you were inside of me but didn’t thrust too hard because…” and share exactly why you like it.

And then also share what you didn’t like as much.  This is where the empowerment piece comes in because for so many of us it’s so difficult to communicate what we DON’T like.  We don’t want to make our partners feel like they weren’t good enough.

But consider this: What if hearing that a little adjustment with their finger hit the perfect spot? And, what if hitting that spot opened you up to your next-level sensation? Speaking up about what you like and don’t like is SO worth it when it comes to sex.

3. BE HONEST ABOUT YOUR SEX CONNECTION.  For women, sexual connection is replaceable.  We can replace feeling sexy with yummy food, work, or our kids, or even shopping.  It’s easy because the nurturing feeling we get from a healthy sexual connection we can also get from a delicious piece of chocolate.  But, food, work, shopping or kids are not sustainable when it comes to your sexual energy.  You actually need a surplus of MORE sexual energy to handle all of these things.  So these substitutions will always end up feeling empty in the end.

When you feel your connection to your sexuality starting to wane it’s important that you pivot and create time in your schedule free from distractions to reconnect to your body.  This is the perfect time to implement sensual ceremony.

Sensual Ceremony offers a container for your sexual energy to blossom, unfold, and resonate with itself.  A sensual ceremony can be as simple as…

  1. Block off undisturbed time.
  2. Create an intention for your experience, and write it down.
  3. Take a warm bath, breathe and consciously relax your muscles into the warm water.
  4. Once you’re totally relaxed, self-pleasure with your intention in mind.
  5. When you’re complete, sit for a moment and appreciate your body and all the sensation that it’s capable of.

Your sensual ceremony might be even more simple than that.  But whatever you do, find a way to honor and appreciate your connection to your body and your sexuality.  Sensation is a gift.

Your sensual experience is part practice and part play.  You practice so you can play better, with more energy. You practice so you can enjoy the play even more.  You want to practice keeping a vibrant and healthy sexual connection.  Soon, you will discover that your connection to your sexuality is completely in line with you as an empowered and successful woman.

Love,

Tara

Post by tarasomers

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