Owning It: Your Sexual Power TURNED ON!
I recently attended a Curvy Curly Conscious event as a panel member, and I was asked so many great questions. But there was one question that was asked overwhelmingly MORE than the others. So, to kick off this fun Q & A time together I’m going to begin with the burning question I was asked the most: How do I empower my sexuality so I’m not dependent on someone else to feel complete? How do I feel complete in myself?
My answer: Sexual power is nurtured in ourselves by ourselves. We all desire to be self-sustaining in our own sexual energy. But it’s so easy to slip into a place where we are constantly looking outside of ourselves for approval…whoops!
As women we spend a lot of time caring for other people—it’s in our bodies, our bones, and our hearts to nurture them…over there. But then we get seriously disappointed when that nurturing isn’t reciprocated (especially, in the way we pictured it being returned) and we feel the dark chasm of deficiency and doubt. Am I worth it? Do I deserve to feel good? Am I enough? Does s/he love me?
>>>That you are sexy, beautiful, and all that is already a part of who you essentially are.
So, how do we get out of the psychology of being sexually co-dependent with someone? It all starts by realizing that all the stuff you’re looking for out there, is already IN YOU RIGHT HERE, right now. Be your own trigger so that you can be sustainable with your sensual energy—with enough to share AND nurture yourself, too.
The second thing we must do is constantly reconnect to the feeling of sexiness and sensuality inside of us. The sensation is what heals us and revives our disconnected bodies.
Here are a few ways to start Owning It for yourself…
- Create one time per week you can spend exploring your body. Your body is a vast nebula of sensation spots and orgasmic openings. Explore all of the amazing places in and on your body that feel good to your own touch. Self pleasure is probably the most powerful tool you have to boost your sensual confidence and build your sexual energy. Self-pleasuring is the epitome of self-empowerment.
- Create an intention around how you desire to be appreciated. The classic intention format is: I AM ________. So it is. For example, “I am filled with and empowered by my own sensual, creative energy. So it is.” Creating an intention phrase (or Sankalpha, as we call them in Tantra) is a powerful way to reprogram your mind around your own energy (and vise versa). Keep your intention in the present moment, as if it is so RIGHT NOW. Say your intention every morning, at least three times while looking in the mirror at yourself. As you say the words, visually honor your beauty and your energy.
- Don’t BE codependent. Just don’t do it. Generally, we become codependent because we need energy. So do something to give yourself a little energetic boost. Take a long walk, go to the gym or a yoga class, make yourself a really nice dinner, go out for a glass of wine by yourself…whatever works for you. You’ll soon learn that you can provide yourself the nourishment you need. Then you can have more fun sharing your energy when you have an authentic opportunity.
- Be vocal about what you want (and don’t want). Your fifth (throat) chakra is a powerful tool for creating the life of your dreams…because, the person that asks for nothing gets nothing. Next time you feel you absolutely need something, just ask for it. The same goes when you do NOT want something. There is POWER in your voice.
Enjoy Owning It!